150+ Top Best Cool Whatsapp Status and Quotes

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1. I look at people sometimes and think… Really??? That’s the sperm that won.

2. When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often.

3. I love food and sleep. If I give you a bit of food or text you all night, that means something.

4. Diets are hard because I get hungry.

5. We live in an era of smartphones and stupid peoples.

6. Just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

7. God is really creative, I mean…just look at m!!!

8. I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy saving mode.

9. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.

10. Whenever I have a problem, I just sing, Then I realize my voice is worse than my problem.

11. When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the.

12. I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.

13. “F#%K It.” – my final thought before making most decisions.

14. If I delete your number, you’re basically deleted from my life.

15. Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.

16. Whenever I think of quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think.

17. Relation of friendship is greater than the relation of blood.

18. When I miss you I re-read our old conversations and smile like an idiot.

19. When I miss you it seems every song I listen to is about you.

20. My silence/smile is just another word for my pain.

21. Sometimes It’s better to be alone…No one can hurt you.

22. The most painful goodbyes are those which were never said and never explained.

23. Sometimes one middle finger isn’t enough to let someone know how you feel. That’s why you have two hands.

24. Sometimes I’m not angry, I’m hurt and there’s a big difference.

25. My silence doesn’t mean that I quit… It simply means that I don’t want to argue with people who just don’t want to understand!

26. Don’t be so happy, I don’t really forgive people, I just pretend like it’s okay and wait for my turn to destroy them.

27. If you want to make your dreams come true, The first thing you have to do is wake up.

28. I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.

29. The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don’t have to remember what you said.

30. I’m not failed… my success is just postponed.

31. Every day is a second chance.

32. If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

33. Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest.

34. The only way to do great work is to love what you do.

35. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

36. You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.

37. Life is like riding a bicycle to keep your balance, you must keep moving.

38. You’re already a successful personal. The things we take for granted someone else is praying for.

39. Dreams are not what you see in sleep, Is the thing which doesn’t let you sleep.

40. I will win, not immediately but definitely.

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41. Had a really great “Night Out” last night, according to my police report.

42. The road to success is always under construction.

43. Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

44. Born to express not to impress.

45. Silent people have the loudest minds.

46. When I was born. The devil said, “Oh Shit! Competition!!!”

47. I work for money, for loyalty to hire a Dog.

48. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

49. When nothing goes right… Go left!

50. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

51. I love to walk in the fog Because nobody knows I’m smoking.

52. I’m not drunk, I’m just chemically off-balanced.

53. Oh, so you wanna argue, bring it. I got my CAPS LOCK ON.

54. I’m so poor that I can’t pay attention in class.

55. Warning!!! I know KARATE and few other oriental words.

56. I’m not a virgin, my life fucks me every day.

57. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

58. Save water drink beer.

59. Virginity is not dignity, It is just a lack of opportunity.

60. Not all men are fools, Some stay bachelor.

61. Phones are better than girlfriends, at least we can switch off.

62. I love my job only when I’m on vacation

63. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.

64. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

65. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.

66. How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? they both have an iPhone.

67. Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight.

68. Sometimes you succeed and other times you learn.

69. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too.

70. Scratch here to reveal my status

71. My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.

72. Not always “Available”.. try your Luck…

73. Hey, there Whatsapp is using me.

74. Life is Short – Chat Fast!

75. Time is precious, waste it wisely.

76. I’m not single, I’m just romantically challenged.

77. Trust in God, But lock your car.

78. AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with You.

79. Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.

80. It hurts when you have someone in your heart but not in your arms.

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81. Please don’t forget to smile 🙂

82. Get up every morning, imagine a future then make it happen.

83. Everyone is beautiful in their own way because God makes no mistakes.

84. You’re right. I’m NOT perfect. But I’m unique!

85. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

86. Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world… if you do so, you are insulting yourself…

87. Create your own visual style… let it be unique for yourself and yet identifiable for others.

88. Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.

89. It is almost impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

90. No matter how strong of a person you are, there’s always someone who can make you weak.

91. It’s funny how people say they miss you but don’t even make an effort to see you.

92. Life is like Facebook. People will like your problems & comment on them but no one’s gonna solve them because everyone is busy in updating theirs.

93. Attitude is like underwear Don’t show it just wore it…

94. I Am Not Special, I Am Just Limited Edition 😛

95. I got less but I got the best!

96. Get as rude as possible and don’t let anyone tell you how to live.

97. The only reason I am fat is that a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.

98. Adjustment with the right people is always better than Argument with the wrong people. A meaningful silence is always better than meaningless words.

99. If a hug tells you how much I love you, I would hold you in my arms forever.

100. Silence is the most powerful scream.

101. Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.

102. I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect’. That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’

103. Don’t know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.

104. A best friend is like a four-leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

105. When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it’s already 6:45. When you’re at work and it’s 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it’s 2:31.

105. My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.

106. I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

107. Have some patience, I’m screwing things up as fast as possible.

108. It’s a good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.

109. You’re like a sharpie – super fine.

110. I know I’m a handful, but that’s why you have two hands.

111. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.

112. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you.

113. Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say “Help, I’ve been turned into a parrot.”

114. I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.

115. At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up.

116. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket.”

117. Guys are like stars, there are millions of them, but the only one makes your dreams come true.

Love starts with a hug, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

118. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.

Life isn’t about how many breaths you take but about the moments that take your breathe away.

119. This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep the dog, a dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for the dog, 30 dogs, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

120. My ex-girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. So I poked her.

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121. Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I’m Trippin? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit back down. Can’t face me? Turn around.

122. Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.

123. Facebook should have a “no one cares” button.

114. If your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”

115. I’d really post your name here every minute if facebook keeps on asking me what’s on my mind

116. Delete me, Poke me, Like me, Limit me…The choice is yours… Welcome to Facebook, where no one is really your friend. =P

117. I’d rather check my Facebook than face my chequebook.

118. I’m wondering why logging onto Face book has become part of the everyday routine?… Do I really have nothing better to do!

119. Your intelligence is my common sense.

120. That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to ‘single’ and your ex likes it.

121. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.

122. I intend to live forever or die trying.

123. Being nice to people you don’t like is not being two-faced, it is called growing up.

124. The kids next door challenged me to a water balloon fight. I’m just updating my status while waiting for the water to boil.

125. Sometimes I wish life was like Facebook, you can delete anyone off your page and go back and delete everything you have said and done!

126. …did a lot of nothing yesterday, but I didn’t finish, so I’m going to do it again today!

127. Trust me I am a liar.

128. Got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.

129. Girl: Why do you constantly keep posting my name as your Facebook status every 2 minutes? Boy: Facebook keeps asking me what’s on my mind? And honestly, it’s always you.

130. I’ve officially been diagnosed with OFCD (Obsessive facebook checking disorder). I have also been told that I am beyond cure. Please pray for me.

131. Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, Who the hell are you?

132. Facebook is the only place you can write whatever you feel on a wall. Grrrr, Facebook won’t stop asking what’s on my mind even if I tell it, it keeps on asking.

133. I’ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait.

134. I Know What You’re Doing Right Now… You’re Reading On My Wall, Right!

135. Facebook is like a prison, you write on walls and get poked bu people you don’t know.

136. Call me anorexic, call me fat. I can put on or I can lose that. Call me annoying, call me dumb. Excuse me miss, but I’m having fun. Call me a flirt, call me fake. That’s just me, so give it a break. Call me weird, a nerd & a geek. Call me what you want, I’m just unique.

137. Facebook should have an ‘Enemy List’

138. Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list.

139. You can’t please everyone, you’re not a Nutella jar.

140. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, I’ll add LOL at the end.

141. Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.

142. I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.

143. I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.

144. Some people have “aha” moments, I just have “Oh Seriously?” moments.

145. Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.

146. Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you. “Yeah. So is a grenade.”

147. They say “don’t try this at home” so I’m coming over to your house to try it.

148. For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.

149. Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.

150. Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

151. Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.

152. Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

153. Dear automatic flushing toilet… I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn’t done yet.

154. If you keep annoying me, I’ll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it’s Santa’s hotline.

155. Facebook should have “So What” button!

156. As Facebook has a “Poke” button, it should have a “Kick” button as well.

157. My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.

158. I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.

159. Whoever said Facebook was a good idea, “Let me share my dull life with the rest of the planet.” ?

160. No matter what anyone says, my cooking is excellent, even the smoke alarm seems to be cheering me on!

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161. Facebook is the red carpet for pretty girls who have no talent.

162. …It’s Not That I Hate You… But Let’s Put It This Way If You Were On Fire And I Had A Gallon Of Water I’d Drink It.

163. He who went to Facebook and left myspace is wise.

164. Am quitting face book to face my books.

165. Facebook should add a “dislike button” some updates are just too senseless.

166. Facebook is where hypocrisy, falseness, double standards, rumours and depression meet up for coffee.

167. I’d say we should have a “You Bore me” button on Facebook!

168. Single doesn’t always mean lonely and the relationship doesn’t always mean happy.

169. Paper cut: A tree’s final moment of revenge.

170. People like me great. People don’t like me great. As long as I like myself that all that matters.

171. Thank you to every person who has ever told me I can’t. You are just another reason I will.

172. I made my Facebook name “Benefits,” so when you add me now it says “you’re friends with benefits.”

173. Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurrasic Park.

174. How does a train eat? Chew, Chew…

175. I’d walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that’s dangerous. But a super humid room… well not too humid, because you know… my hair.

176. What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don’t look, I’m changing.

177. You know you’re an adult when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink.

178. Yes, of course, I am athletic… I surf the Internet every day.

179. I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition.

180. Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl’s best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.

181. Of course, I talk to myself… sometimes I need expert advice.

182. If Monday had a face… I would punch it.

183. I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.

184. I wasn’t mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I’m mad.. yes, I’m mad!

185. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.

186. I really should do something with my life… maybe tomorrow.

187. I have reached a point in life where I feel it is no longer necessary to try & impress anyone. If they like me the way I am, good & if they don’t, it’s their loss.

188. You can’t compare me to the next girl. Because there is no competition. I’m one of a kind, and that’s real.

189. An attitude is an inward thought that wiggles its way out.

190. I’m not cranky. I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.

191. I might not be someone’s first choice, but I am a great choice. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not, because I’m good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I’ve done in the past, but I’m proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, but I don’t need to be. I am the way God made me. Take me as I am or watch me as I walk away.

192. There can be no positive result through a negative attitude. Think positive. Live positive.

193. A bad attitude can literally block love, blessings and destiny from finding you. Don’t be the reason you don’t succeed.

194. Like me for who I am and not for who you want me to be. Take it or leave it. That simple.

195. What others think of me is none of my business.

196. Love me or hate me I’m still gonna shine.

197. Keep your face towards the sunshine, you will never see the shadow.

198. I’m only responsible for what I say not for what you understand…

199. Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90-year-old, the body of a 20-year-old, and the energy of a 3-year-old.

200. I know that Einstein’s theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.

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201. Smiles are contagious… be a carrier.

202. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!

203. Relax, it’s the weekend… just don’t blink or it will be all over.

204. To thrive in the life you need three bones. A wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.

205. It’s so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home, they turned into soup already.

206. Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

207. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.

208. I’m a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!

209. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that’s confusing.

210. Never judge a book by its movie.

211. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.

212. Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!

213. I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don’t give out free samples.

214. Isn’t it funny how red white and blue represent freedom unless they’re flashing behind you?

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